- Wait until you're 25
- Don't cohabitate before marriage
- Don't be irresponsible at 16 (it matters what you did before you even met)
- Get an education
- Be religious
- Come from a family with good marriages in the "tree"
- Location makes a difference too but since this study was done in the UK it won't help us here in the USA
Monday, November 9, 2009
Predictors of happy marriage
Click the post title to read from the Times (UK) about a study to discover the formula for happy marriage. The results did not surprise me and include:
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I highly agree. I had a list of certain "non-negotiables" I was looking for in a mate. Many of these things were on it. One of my criteria (criterian?) may seem very judgmental, but it was that he came from a family with parents who were not divorced. I know that would seem to hold a man responsible for something that would not be his fault. But I felt I only wanted to marry a man who had a healthy marriage modeled for him. It certainly narrowed down my choices, but it sure did help. I think there would certainly be people who would be exceptions to my "rule." But that is what I looked for. It worked for me. He was 27. I was almost 24. We were already established in our careers. Again, I know I probably sound judgmental. But with so many marriages ending in divorce, can you be too careful?
ReplyDeleteI absolutely agree, Ashli. Role models make a HUGE difference. That's why if the parents have a good marriage, it can be highly predictive of future success. Of course the opposite can also be true - if the parents were unable to make it good, there has to be a subtle sense of this being temporary anyway and they either don't know how to make it good and they live a miserable existence, or they bail.
ReplyDeleteI agree with that too, Debbie. And just because two people stay married, it certainly doesn't mean that their marriage is healthy. I think I was looking at bettering my odds, which is what studies in general are able to predict. And, of course, there are exceptions to every single rule. I seriously admire people who have the inner strength to rise above the odds.
ReplyDeleteWell, according to your list, the odds were definetly against us!
ReplyDeleteYou have always been an exceptional person/couple! You're beating the odds. WAY TO GO!
ReplyDelete