Thought for Sunday

Scott G. Winterton, Deseret News Photo - click to read story

"To love means loving the unlovable. To forgive means pardoning the unpardonable. Faith means believing the unbelievable. Hope means hoping when everything seems hopeless." ~ G.K. Chesterton

And, speaking of forgiveness, here is an interesting article on baptism and various faiths.

The Project

Dinner break in the "habitable" part of the house.
The new walls and custom-made archway (Jenn's dream; Ken's work)

Remembering Wendy on her birthday

Wendy, Colleen, and Cindy
Thanks to Carolyn for sharing the B&W photo. I have never had this one and it's beautiful!

Tragedy

Tragic, sad...

Liz and Madi lost something more precious than money can buy. It's hard to believe that it's their mother who would cause this. Even if it is her illness speaking, someone has to defend the right of the children to have a real father, ever-present.

She lied about a job that keeps her in South Carolina. She lied about Jon and had him removed from their temporary home after six weeks - the home they were promised for 3-4 months. She brought false charges that cost so much in so many ways. When Jon had to go back to Utah so he would not have to live in a homeless shelter and could get a job, she claimed abandonment by him and managed to convince a commissioner/judge that he could have stayed in South Carolina - homeless, jobless and penniless because what little money they had was spent to get them there - because Karla believed it would make her happy. When it turned out the promises were lies and they had to go into further debt to make the move, he still did it for her. He told us "I have to do this for Karla." We all knew it was impossible with red flags popping up all over and it proved to be so. It would be impossible for Karla to stay there if it weren't for the very relatives that promised Jon housing, now providing for her. Now she also gets to collect all of Jon's income so she can live where she wants to live and where she can temporarily run away from her problems - or so she thinks as she projects her childhood abuse onto others. The girls never wanted to leave Utah and she doesn't care about them; only herself, yet she says it's "what's best for the children." How can someone defend their children when they don't have the guts to stand up to the bullying uncle when he abused her husband?

The situation is impossible. She continues to lie, her family supports her because it "makes her happy" regardless of what it does to the girls to be deprived of the access of their loving father. They believe her lies even when they know she is ill. How can anyone sit back and watch such unfairness and claim it is in the best interest of the girls? How can those around her continue to believe or excuse the lies when they cause such damage? How can we put such precious children in the hands of a stranger who takes an hour or so to decide their fate?

Any problems they had in their marriage did not warrant what she has done. You can leave a marriage without leaving a wake of disaster. The lies will catch up with her eventually. And one day the girls will realize what was stolen from them just as we realize what has been stolen from us. Karla feels she has won a battle but the scars will live on long past hers. The damage she has done even by association with the church will have long-lasting effects. The only chance for some redemption for this terrible situation would be for her to return to Utah where she could obtain real employment, have real family support and help with the children and where the girls could have both of their parents permanently, even if they were not married to each other. But, that would require sacrifice on her part. It would require putting her children's needs ahead of her own and that has never happened yet. She will continue to pretend to have a job, pretend to be capable of taking full care of her children, continue to deprive them of their father because she knows his limited finances, the cost of travel and lodging in South Carolina, and she can live off the state, the uncle, and child support money - thinking this is responsible parenting. It's ironic that she accuses Jon of not supporting them because he was unemployed. His main flaw was believing in her, trying to help her and thinking he could undo the damage of childhood abuse. He stood by her through thick and thin, only to be blamed for her psychological problems as she projected her childhood abuse onto him (and many others) and stepped on like a doormat.

Any mentally healthy, loving parent would do what was necessary to give their children two loving parents and would not insist on keeping them thousands of miles away from their father and other family members they have known and loved their whole lives for their own gratification. Only someone as ill as Karla would think this was a good thing. She is convincing herself and others around her but she is manipulated by those near her and is a mere puppet. One day the relatives will have to answer for what they have done to also facilitate this abuse of the children by enabling her to manipulate and get back at Jon for divorcing her when it became clear she would no longer allow him to help her and she did the unthinkable to him. Taking him to court for false charges crossed the line of what he could or should endure at her hands. She got a free lawyer; he had to pay. She had housing in S.C.; he had none. She had food stamps and lied to social services to prevent his access to them, saying he had fled the state when she knew better because he needed to stay for the court appearance two weeks later. He looked into housing options but with no money, there was nothing for him. Where was he to stay? What was he to eat? There was no work there. The family made up a fake job for her to tell the court; he came to Utah where he could get a real job and do as the S.C. judge suggested. She told people and convinced the commissioner that he could have stayed. I would love to hear how that would have been possible after what her uncle did with her approval and prompting. A healthy parent would want what is best for the children and could recognize truth from lies.

Apparently it's not about who is the most fit parent, but it's still the dark ages with regards to father's rights. It's Friday the 13th.

Stand for Something

Pause the playlist on the right to hear.

Liz & Madi's room

Empty chairs, empty beds, empty, heartbroken family.

********************************************************************************

We, as a family, are mourning the little girls and the Karla that we loved. We know she is broken and we want her to be happy and to be able to find herself, recover from the trauma of her youth. We would welcome the healthy Karla with open arms. We would never try to force her to be where she doesn't want to be or try to force her into an unhappy marriage, but we would love to see her do the right thing for the girls, which might include being to be willing to locate where the girls could have both parents to love them and spend time with them DAILY. They could both have access without spending their entire income on travel back and forth across the country. She would be blessed for being selfless while she continues to mend. She has a support network here, even though she has tried to burn bridges (and is doing a pretty good job of it). We would help if she would be willing. We do believe in forgiveness for all mistakes that have been made by any concerned.

Beyond belief!

Jenn summed up the day: "At enormous cost (on so many levels), Jon had to go to court today to try to gain access to his own children. And unfortunately my dad's words are too true: The Legal System we support here in the U.S. is often not the same as The Justice System of American Mythology. Very, very sad.

Battles are often lost before wars are won. It is just TRAGIC that apparently a war must take place at all! And sweet, innocent little girls will pay the highest price..."

There is a special place for liars - those who bear false witness, who accuse, who use, who allow evil influences to remove common sense and kindness, who deliberately inflict pain on undeserving others, who are so self-centered they will even hurt and deprive their own children (of a loving father), and even take advantage of others so they can sit back and enjoy their selfish lives. And, there are the others who refuse to take a stance, stand up for right and stop craziness when the opportunity is there! As Gordon B. Hinckley said, "Stand for something."

Predictors of happy marriage

Click the post title to read from the Times (UK) about a study to discover the formula for happy marriage. The results did not surprise me and include:

• Wait until you're 25
• Don't cohabitate before marriage
• Don't be irresponsible at 16 (it matters what you did before you even met)
• Get an education
• Be religious
  
• Come from a family with good marriages in the "tree"
• Location makes a difference too but since this study was done in the UK it won't help us here in the USA

I tend to agree. Of course I would add a few things to the list...

Motherhood and the Old Testament

Click on the post title to read this article reporting on the Sperry Symposium.

Give a girl a hammer!

The dump crew - ready to take load # 3. The photo is kind of deceptive because under the rug is over 2,000 lbs. of rock, bricks, lumber and rubble. Emma's leaning on the old furnace. Nat and Jon are on the left, I'm on the right with Ashlie, Olivia and Alex in the center.
We're still trying to see Jenn's vision here. So far we're removing everything!

And the work goes on...

Friday's work - Rob and Ken
Ken and Jon
Waiting for further instructions...
Study it out in your mind...
Oh, what a tangled web...
z-z-z-z-a-p-p-p-p (electricity scares me)

Daily Chores

A fellow blogger-mom (In-a-shoe) posted her children's chore assignments. She is currently expecting her 10th child and by necessity must be diligent in organizing the family. I have noticed that these days many families have forgotten this once-considered-normal activity. They spoil their entitled children who only work when they feel like it or when they are bribed. Well, I could go on, but this is how they do it in their large family which includes barnyard animals (chickens) and dogs they breed. I was reminded of my daughter, Natalie's blog entry on this subject (teaching children to work and be responsible). It has certainly paid dividends for her and she admits sometimes it's harder to teach the children than to do it yourself but so worth it! There is a window of opportunity for teaching children responsibility. If that window is missed, it becomes much harder (and some adults never learn it).

I hope she's OK with me reposting here with credits:) Here's Kim's list:

Deanna (16yo): clean & straighten living room; plan and cook dinner; rinse dinner dishes; iron

Kaitlyn (14yo): burn trash; clean & straighten dining room; put away clean dishes; iron

Lydia (13yo): Lydia has requested all outdoor and animal duties: feed & water animals (chickens, dogs, cat); keep yard picked up; take out compost; "first shift" on dinner dishes (clear & wipe counters, put away leftovers, set up coffee for following morning); iron

Megan (11yo): clean & straighten bathroom and kitchen; wash dinner dishes; iron

Natalie (9yo) & Becca (8yo): hang all laundry to dry; sort and fold dry laundry, put away towels and diapers; clean & straighten laundry room; breakfast & lunch dishes; clear & wipe table after dinner.

Rachael (5yo): clean and straighten deck (under Lydia's supervision); help clear table after dinner.

Perry (3yo): empty small trash cans in bedrooms.

In addition the children help with preparing meals. Deanna plans and makes the main dish; the others often help with the rest, make breakfast, etc. Now, I hope she posts more about how she enforces it all. She reports that stating, "It's not my job" is a capital offense in their home. More power to her! One day they will thank her... (OK, she shouldn't hold her breath).

(Visit Kim's other site about frugal living here)

Evita - Argentina's Pride

To hear it you may need to pause the playlist on the top right sidebar.


Natalie and I enjoyed Evita at Rodger's Memorial Theater last week. I was impressed by how timely this story is for America today. Peronism sounded a lot like Obamism (and the unemployment rate continued to rise to 10.2 percent, up from 9.8 percent in September, the highest level since 1983). When the people are down, they hunger for someone who is beautiful, who talks smoothly, makes promises beyond what is real and lulls them into the concept of change - any change - they think it will be better than what they have. In times of economic recession and depression we are vulnerable in many ways. Much good can come of change but we still need to be careful that it's the right change. And, there will be supporters and detractors. It was said that when Eva Peron died, there were sounds of weeping and corks popping. Like most politicians and leaders she had her adoring crowd and critics who hated her or considered her more self-serving than selfless. She worked for the poor, but dressed lavishly herself. Interesting dichotomy. I do believe you can't have backbone and not offend someone!

The production we saw was outstanding. It is not an easy show but the costumes, sets and talent were all superb! Davis County is building a new arts center with a fantastic theater to open in 2011 and I'm very excited. I love local theater. Ralph's dream has been fulfilled and they have outgrown the little theater he started. I hope they will include some remembrance of him when they build the new one and that they don't forget their roots and that they honor him with some sort of acknowledgment for bringing quality local theater to Davis County. Maybe they could name a section after him, like how Hale has the "Black Box" perhaps this one can have the RGR Memorial Rehearsal Hall, or small theater within the theater named for him.

Local Event

BYU has an exhibit on the history of photography that looks fantastic. It's free and you can attend until May. If you live in Utah or plan to visit, Provo is about 45 minutes south of Salt Lake City and this would be worth the drive. Click the post title for the link to the story but here are the nitty gritty details.
What: From Daguerreotype to Digital, A History of Photography
Where: L. Tom Perry Special Collections, H.B. Lee Library, Brigham Young University
When: through May 27, 2010
Phone: 801 422-7652