It's love month...

While sitting in the hospital room waiting for Gary to come out of surgery I read this article about how love/relationships affect your health - for better or worse.  It said:

• Married people sleep better. On average they get the optimal time each night of 6.5 to 7.5 hours.
• The hormones released by your brain when you're in love also aid the body's healing process.  Anger or arguing can slow the healing process.
• When your partner is suffering, the best support is to create a diversion to take his/her mind off the pain, help recovery and keep sane yourself.  Pouring on TLC can prolong the pain, though being loving and considerate is good.
• After "I love you" the most important three little words in a relationship are "please," "thank you".  Hostile words have been linked to the likelihood of developing atherosclerosis, especially in women.

Stress, conflict in relationships

I know it has taken a toll on my health. Read what about.com says here.

Conflict Can Affect Your Health

Relationship conflict can negatively affect your health in several ways. Portland State University’s Institute on Aging studied over 650 adults over a two-year period and found that ‘stable negative social exchanges’ (in other words, repetitive or prolonged conflict) was significantly associated with lower self-rated health, greater functional limitations, and a higher number of health conditions. This may be due to the impact that stress has on immunity (stress can dampen your immune system), as well as other factors. The important thing to remember is that ongoing conflict really can take a toll on your health.

.... there is a lack of comfort in dealing with conflict among family members. Whether it’s open conflict over the dinner table or an underlying feeling of discomfort that remains unspoken, family conflict obviously causes a significant amount of stress with a lot of people.

What can be done without adding stress to these people? How can you get out of it when you just keep getting bombarded with people telling you you are doing it wrong?

And what about dealing with difficult people from a Christian perspective?

We can't control difficult people and we can't change them, but with God's guidance we can understand them better and find a way to cope with them. More here.

I find blogging helps me. Perhaps this is what is being said here:

Sometimes stressful situations can seem to stick with us. Most of us find ourselves ruminating or holding onto negative feelings we have about stressors or conflicts in our lives at one time or another. Unfortunately, this tendency can prolong the stress that we experience. Here are some proven strategies for letting go of rumination, letting go of anger, and holding onto peace.

Expressive Writing

Some people write an angry letter that they later burn. Others write about their feelings and brainstorm solutions. A few even write books or short stories that express their feelings and combat rumination. Regardless of the form it takes, many people have found journaling and expressive writing helpful in letting go of stress and negative emotions. Research confirms that expressive writing can be helpful for the stressed: One study showed that expressive writing was effective in reducing symptoms of depression among those with a tendency toward brooding and rumination.

I need to let go and sometimes you have to get it out. I don't write "at" but I do express my thoughts. Unfortunately some readers internalize what I say and assume it is directed critically at them, or they just think I should do it differently. Maybe being more private about this is better, so I'll probably put more into the private blogs I have and not assume anyone out there really cares anyway. So, instead of people being offended by what I say or feel they need to knit-pick, I can just release it on my own. The blog will be out there but people I know won't have the address. I think they like me better when they don't know what I think/feel. I do need to deal with the stress that is making me ill.