Death and Taxes!

Kind of a dreaded day for me. Anniversary of a stillbirth and tax day all at once.

Taxes

I hate procrastinating, for the most part, but taxes.... well, this project seems to consistently slide to the bottom of my to-do list from Feb. 1 to Apr. 15. This year I was especially worried because of my consultant job. I needed to add income as an independent, self-employed contractor. Not only did this seem daunting, I was afraid it would also mean I needed to pay instead of receiving a refund. Just more excuses for putting it off as long as possible.

This year was rough. I made the same mistake I did last year because my memory didn't serve me well. I couldn't remember which online tax site I used last year, but I remembered it was a big hassle finding one that was easy to use. I couldn't find last year's return but figured it would be easy enough because of the previous year's filing online. Well, if you can't remember the site, that doesn't help. So, I went through the same crazy process the past two nights. I gave up Monday at 11:00 PM when TaxSimple crashed on me. Last night after work I tried again and still found it to be awkward. I found my 2003-2006 returns but still not the 07 (clearly I had procrastinated filing it in the "Tax" folder). So, I went to OLT (Online Taxes) which I had used in 06. I entered all my info again, but it was still cumbersome and I knew it was not the right one from last year. Finally I had a flash of memory and found my 07 taxes (in the "to file" box, which had been overrun with other stuff too).

Ta-da! It was FreeTaxUSA I finally used last year, so once I had that info I quickly entered my numbers, had it completely done and filed in 20 minutes. My goal was BEFORE midnight on the 14th but unfortunately it went at about 12:30AM on the 15th but at least it wasn't midnight TONIGHT! So, I'm blogging this to help jog my memory next year in case I lose my file again. Shouldn't because I think I learned my lesson and the hard copy is already filed in the right place! But, if my house burns down, I'll be able to access the reminder here at least! The good news! I get some money back and $19 from the State. Much better than me sending them a check!

Tip of the Day: If you're planning to do it by snail mail (or if you have to pay), post offices that will remain open late tonight are listed in the DesNews but I highly recommend eFiling (at FreeTaxUSA) with direct deposit. It was free to file and the state return was just $9.95 - what a deal for a great product!

With today being the nationwide TEA Party (Taxed enough already) people throughout the country are protesting out of control spending, taxes, national debt and too much government interference. Granted it's a conservative approach and the Republicans didn't do such a great job fixing some things, though they certainly didn't cause the mess we're in. Still, passing on this heritage of discarding morals as "old-fashioned" and debt to the ying-yang, while encouraging abortion and funding Planned Parenthood, thereby reducing our future tax payers, is irresponsible government. They're seeing the trees but not the forest, and the tax burden left for our grandchildren will be unbearable. The theme of this TEA party is "Silent Majority No More."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Still no more! And never forgotten

Unfortunately there hasn't been much progress in preventing stillbirth. About the best we can do is encourage fetal kick counting and getting regular prenatal car in hopes that some signal will occur prior to the dreaded event. Most cases, in spite of study, are still of unknown cause, especially when there is no genetic abnormality present in the baby. My son, Seth, was full-term and perfect in every way - he just didn't breathe. I do wish someone had talked to me about doing kick counts. Maybe it would have made a difference.

Stillborn

Stillbirth is generally defined as a fetal death that occurs after 20 weeks' completed gestation but before live birth. Prior to that a fetal loss is usually considered miscarriage, though late miscarriage feels very much like stillbirth when the mother gives birth to a "whole" baby.

One thing we can do is support legislation that gives parents of stillborn children rights to a birth certificate (currently a death certificate must be issued but how can there be a death if there was never a birth?). This is a tangible memento and acknowledgment that life occurred, if only in utero. What I found most difficult was the unreality of it all. Suddenly the much anticipated baby is gone, people don't want to bring it up for fear of disturbing the grieving parents, the hospital may whisk the baby away to the morgue and treat the mother as though nothing has happened. She goes home with empty arms, aching heart, and an unexplained event which results in bills to pay, burial expenses and details, with very little support. The hospital staff are much better now than they were when Seth died, but the certificate helps heal when they are available.

The liberal agenda blocks this legislation in the fear that it will interfere with "choice" for abortion proponents. If life is acknowledged, how can they justify taking of that life? Stillbirth is more common than many people realize. Each year, about 25,000 infants are stillborn in the United States— almost 10 times the number of SIDS deaths. According to the M.I.S.S. Foundation, one in 150 babies suffer this fate. I've posted a video on this blog before but if you don't want to search for it by subject matter (right sidebar) you can go here to view it.
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SIDS - Reducing the Risk

The good news is that the Back to Sleep campaign, introduced in 1994, encouraging safer sleep techniques, has reduced SIDS deaths by 50% (85% among exlusive back-sleepers). So, it doesn't solve all the problems, but it helps reduce the risk to put the baby to sleep on its back - every time! Old habits die hard so some mothers, grandmothers, childcare providers, and even nurses still do what we used to do, thinking the baby would be less likely to aspirate if positioned on their side or tummy. Now we know better and it is important to do what we can to reduce the risks. This includes always putting the baby down on a smooth, flat surface, unencumbered by blankets, toys, pillows and bumper pads. Babies die in car seats too, with blankets around the baby there are multiple risk factors so if they fall asleep in the carseat they should be taken out of the seat and placed in a crib.

A risk factor is not a cause, but it can suggest complications that might increase the likelihood of this tragic event. Risk factors do not exist in all SIDS deaths.

• Smoking by others in baby's environment (Just say "no!")
  
• Teenage mother
• Preterm baby or small size (small for gestational age)
• Wrong sleep position (other than back) - should not happen, even for naps
  
• Sleep environment concerns (too-soft sleep surface, bumper pads, pillows, loose, fluffy bedding, toys, bedsharing, lack of air circulation, overheating)
• Childcare provider or family member who does not understand this newer concept and does not place child on the back (even side position is risky because baby can slide to tummy).
  
• Overfeeding may be a risk factor, especially if placed on tummy afterward. Breastfed babies eat about every two hours at the beginning and do not take more than they need so overfeeding is not a problem there.

There is also some evidence that having a fan in the room where baby sleeps may help circulate air and allow better access to oxygen since there is suspicion that the baby is rebreathing carbon dioxide and nitrogen, with immature receptors for breathing cues. Just make sure the fan is not where the baby can get fingers into as she grows and gets mobile!

I hope these reminders will help in some small way to reduce the tragedy of infant loss and spread the word of the risks and measures that might help. Click on the post title for more information.

Update - Rights - for ALL Women????

New York Legislators Kill Bill for Grieving Mothers

Albany, NY (June 26, 2008) --- SB8960 would have helped to provide much-needed
comfort, dignity, and accurate documentation to women and their families experiencing the death of a baby just prior to or during birth. Yet, despite overwhelming support from individual legislators, including 53 Democrat and Republican sponsors, a powerful minority of reproductive rights activist legislators have “killed the bill” as of 11:00 p.m. on the last day of session.

All states, including New York, wherein nearly 2000 babies are stillborn each year, require the family to pay for funeral expenses, and a death certificate/report is issued after a stillbirth. Yet, New York, unlike 23 other states, will not offer women the choice of a Certificate of Birth Resulting in Stillbirth. During a presidential election year, when women’s choices are a top priority for candidates, this topic is highly provocative.

“There is an enormity to this public health issue,” says Dr. Joanne Cacciatore, an expert in traumatic child death. “More than ten times the number of babies die of stillbirth than those who die of SIDS, yet it’s virtually invisible.” Part of the problem, according to grieving parents, Jeff and Lori Tieger of Staten Island, is that families experiencing stillbirth have been silenced due to abortion politics.

On June 15th, the Tieger’s held an important Father’s Day Press Conference on the steps of the New York legislature, where they also had a brief conversation with Speaker Sheldon Silver who assured grieving parents personally that, “We’re moving your bill.”However, by the end of session that day, the bill was being held for consideration due to vociferous opposition from Helene Weinstein (D-Brooklyn). Yet, Weinstein's own county is in the top three in all of New York for stillbirth rates where one in 92 births results in stillbirth.

“Assemblywoman Weinstein did not act on behalf of her constituents. She attended to the demands of large lobbying organizations supporting her position in the Assembly, and together they fought against grieving mothers,” said activist Paige Ricci of Malta. “I mean, how can you say you’re pro-woman, pro-children, and pro-choice and yet oppose a bill that advocates for women, children, and choices?”

Dr. Cacciatore asserts that, “grieving mothers are being thrust into the middle of an
acrimonious, long standing battle, as pawns in a political debate that has absolutely
nothing to do with them.” Advocates for the legislation will continue their ongoing battle in New York for the third legislative session. Lori Tieger is committed to this fight in memory of her son, Daniel, who died just prior to birth at full term for unknown causes. “I’ll keep coming back and fighting this year after year until we are successful. It is time for New York to do what is right for all women.”

For more information, please visit the legislative page at:
http://www.missingangelsbill.org

MISS Foundation

States are finally grappling with decisions about whether or not to issue a birth certificate in the case of stillbirth. When I gave birth to Seth, there was nothing to take home with me. A death certificate was issued and we had to come up with money to pay for the delivery and bury the baby, yet, no recognition of life was ever offered. In fact, at that time things were so bad they wouldn't even let me spend much time with the baby at all - he was whisked away to the morgue and when I asked if I could see him again a few minutes later, the staff looked at me like I was crazy. There was no emotional support for me. They adhered strictly to the hospital policy of only one visitor in the labor room (my husband) even though circumstances were vastly different (he was also grieving and not able to be the support I needed) - forcing my mother to wait in the waiting room rather than being with me and helping me get through the difficult labor that would have no happy result.

Politically, what is happening is that some states are afraid to allow a birth certificate because abortion activists worry this will jeopardize that cause. If they acknowledge life, how can they support voluntary death? Allowing a grieving parent a certificate that indicates the mother gave birth to a baby does not interfere with anything. It is irrational fear. Fortunately many states have acknowledged this and offer the parents a "certificate of birth, resulting in still birth."

There is a terrible sense of unreality about this kind of experience. Everyone expects you to go on as though nothing happened and nobody wants to talk about it. Everyone, that is, except the family. The mother who carries the baby never forgets it and knows the baby once lived, kicked, and moved. The heart did beat and the mother bonded with the baby. Most hospitals now give mementos, even take photographs (my son Jon is a volunteer photographer for such work) and the staff is more understanding. This is a good thing.

I can never get a certificate of birth for my lost baby (although how can you have a death certificate if you never had a birth?). But many other parents could have this document to verify the nine months that really happened. It doesn't jeopardize anything for anyone but it can do much for the parents.

Here is a good video that recorded a couple's recent experience


Alaska and Connecticut are the most recent states to refuse to enact the Missing Angel Bill that would allow this, due in part to opposition from "pro choice" legislators who failed or refused to understand that his is not a "choice" vs "life" issue. This is an important video created by Dr. Joanne Cacciatore.



If you know one of the millions who have experienced such a loss as this, you may want to tell them about the MISS foundation at www.missfoundation.org. Additional help and support for stillbirth can be found here - www.stillnomore.org

April 15 - The dreaded day is here

Always a downer for me. It was April 15 that I delivered Seth, stillborn. It still haunts me because that little baby appeared to be perfect, except he didn't breathe. Full-term and complete without apparent defects of any kind. They never did find the reason for it so it's obviously something beyond what this world understands.

Then, to do taxes! I seem to always procrastinate this because I hate it so much. Too much math I guess and numbers intimidate me, especially with the undertones of threatened audit if you mess up. By the way, we don't reach Tax-free day until next Monday (the day we finally have paid our taxes, starting with Jan 1 and after this time we get to start keeping our earnings).

On a positive note, after two very bad attempts at online free programs for filing, I finally found one that really was easy. Had I started here it would not have been so distressing for me. FreeTaxUSA is the one to use! If there are any procrastinators reading this, go to www.irs.gov first and get to the free sites from there to be sure you don't get charged for it as you might if you go directly to their own site.

This year I messed up and didn't use up my Flex spending dollars so I lost quite a bit of money on that gamble. This is one of my pet peeves with the government. It's good to get to use pre-tax dollars for medical expenses but it requires betting on how much you think you will need in the coming year for unforeseen as well as expected medical costs. I didn't have as much as I expected but should have done some last minute shopping at least.

So, as I was doing taxes (last night; not today@!) I came to the gambling loss section and thought this should qualify as such a loss - the government requires this form of gambling if you want the tax benefit. Of course if it is a legitimate medical expense and pre-tax money can be used, shouldn't it be good no matter when you use it? "Use or lose" is nuts and since the administrator gets to keep the leftovers, what incentive do they have to really get your reimbursement to you. Jenn and Fred had a horrible administrator of their plan a year ago and they had to jump through all kinds of hoops, submitted expenses and yet were denied hundreds of dollars in reimbursements. It was very suspicious and the winner in the end was the administrator of the program. Hmmmmmm, what's wrong with this picture?