For anyone who's ever lost someone precious...
Showing posts with label Seth. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Seth. Show all posts
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Monday, April 28, 2008
MISS Foundation
States are finally grappling with decisions about whether or not to issue a birth certificate in the case of stillbirth. When I gave birth to Seth, there was nothing to take home with me. A death certificate was issued and we had to come up with money to pay for the delivery and bury the baby, yet, no recognition of life was ever offered. In fact, at that time things were so bad they wouldn't even let me spend much time with the baby at all - he was whisked away to the morgue and when I asked if I could see him again a few minutes later, the staff looked at me like I was crazy. There was no emotional support for me. They adhered strictly to the hospital policy of only one visitor in the labor room (my husband) even though circumstances were vastly different (he was also grieving and not able to be the support I needed) - forcing my mother to wait in the waiting room rather than being with me and helping me get through the difficult labor that would have no happy result.
Politically, what is happening is that some states are afraid to allow a birth certificate because abortion activists worry this will jeopardize that cause. If they acknowledge life, how can they support voluntary death? Allowing a grieving parent a certificate that indicates the mother gave birth to a baby does not interfere with anything. It is irrational fear. Fortunately many states have acknowledged this and offer the parents a "certificate of birth, resulting in still birth."
There is a terrible sense of unreality about this kind of experience. Everyone expects you to go on as though nothing happened and nobody wants to talk about it. Everyone, that is, except the family. The mother who carries the baby never forgets it and knows the baby once lived, kicked, and moved. The heart did beat and the mother bonded with the baby. Most hospitals now give mementos, even take photographs (my son Jon is a volunteer photographer for such work) and the staff is more understanding. This is a good thing.
I can never get a certificate of birth for my lost baby (although how can you have a death certificate if you never had a birth?). But many other parents could have this document to verify the nine months that really happened. It doesn't jeopardize anything for anyone but it can do much for the parents.
Here is a good video that recorded a couple's recent experience
Alaska and Connecticut are the most recent states to refuse to enact the Missing Angel Bill that would allow this, due in part to opposition from "pro choice" legislators who failed or refused to understand that his is not a "choice" vs "life" issue. This is an important video created by Dr. Joanne Cacciatore.
If you know one of the millions who have experienced such a loss as this, you may want to tell them about the MISS foundation at www.missfoundation.org. Additional help and support for stillbirth can be found here - www.stillnomore.org
Politically, what is happening is that some states are afraid to allow a birth certificate because abortion activists worry this will jeopardize that cause. If they acknowledge life, how can they support voluntary death? Allowing a grieving parent a certificate that indicates the mother gave birth to a baby does not interfere with anything. It is irrational fear. Fortunately many states have acknowledged this and offer the parents a "certificate of birth, resulting in still birth."
There is a terrible sense of unreality about this kind of experience. Everyone expects you to go on as though nothing happened and nobody wants to talk about it. Everyone, that is, except the family. The mother who carries the baby never forgets it and knows the baby once lived, kicked, and moved. The heart did beat and the mother bonded with the baby. Most hospitals now give mementos, even take photographs (my son Jon is a volunteer photographer for such work) and the staff is more understanding. This is a good thing.
I can never get a certificate of birth for my lost baby (although how can you have a death certificate if you never had a birth?). But many other parents could have this document to verify the nine months that really happened. It doesn't jeopardize anything for anyone but it can do much for the parents.
Here is a good video that recorded a couple's recent experience
Alaska and Connecticut are the most recent states to refuse to enact the Missing Angel Bill that would allow this, due in part to opposition from "pro choice" legislators who failed or refused to understand that his is not a "choice" vs "life" issue. This is an important video created by Dr. Joanne Cacciatore.
If you know one of the millions who have experienced such a loss as this, you may want to tell them about the MISS foundation at www.missfoundation.org. Additional help and support for stillbirth can be found here - www.stillnomore.org
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
April 15 - The dreaded day is here
Always a downer for me. It was April 15 that I delivered Seth, stillborn. It still haunts me because that little baby appeared to be perfect, except he didn't breathe. Full-term and complete without apparent defects of any kind. They never did find the reason for it so it's obviously something beyond what this world understands.
Then, to do taxes! I seem to always procrastinate this because I hate it so much. Too much math I guess and numbers intimidate me, especially with the undertones of threatened audit if you mess up. By the way, we don't reach Tax-free day until next Monday (the day we finally have paid our taxes, starting with Jan 1 and after this time we get to start keeping our earnings).
On a positive note, after two very bad attempts at online free programs for filing, I finally found one that really was easy. Had I started here it would not have been so distressing for me. FreeTaxUSA is the one to use! If there are any procrastinators reading this, go to www.irs.gov first and get to the free sites from there to be sure you don't get charged for it as you might if you go directly to their own site.
This year I messed up and didn't use up my Flex spending dollars so I lost quite a bit of money on that gamble. This is one of my pet peeves with the government. It's good to get to use pre-tax dollars for medical expenses but it requires betting on how much you think you will need in the coming year for unforeseen as well as expected medical costs. I didn't have as much as I expected but should have done some last minute shopping at least.
So, as I was doing taxes (last night; not today@!) I came to the gambling loss section and thought this should qualify as such a loss - the government requires this form of gambling if you want the tax benefit. Of course if it is a legitimate medical expense and pre-tax money can be used, shouldn't it be good no matter when you use it? "Use or lose" is nuts and since the administrator gets to keep the leftovers, what incentive do they have to really get your reimbursement to you. Jenn and Fred had a horrible administrator of their plan a year ago and they had to jump through all kinds of hoops, submitted expenses and yet were denied hundreds of dollars in reimbursements. It was very suspicious and the winner in the end was the administrator of the program. Hmmmmmm, what's wrong with this picture?
Then, to do taxes! I seem to always procrastinate this because I hate it so much. Too much math I guess and numbers intimidate me, especially with the undertones of threatened audit if you mess up. By the way, we don't reach Tax-free day until next Monday (the day we finally have paid our taxes, starting with Jan 1 and after this time we get to start keeping our earnings).
On a positive note, after two very bad attempts at online free programs for filing, I finally found one that really was easy. Had I started here it would not have been so distressing for me. FreeTaxUSA is the one to use! If there are any procrastinators reading this, go to www.irs.gov first and get to the free sites from there to be sure you don't get charged for it as you might if you go directly to their own site.
This year I messed up and didn't use up my Flex spending dollars so I lost quite a bit of money on that gamble. This is one of my pet peeves with the government. It's good to get to use pre-tax dollars for medical expenses but it requires betting on how much you think you will need in the coming year for unforeseen as well as expected medical costs. I didn't have as much as I expected but should have done some last minute shopping at least.
So, as I was doing taxes (last night; not today@!) I came to the gambling loss section and thought this should qualify as such a loss - the government requires this form of gambling if you want the tax benefit. Of course if it is a legitimate medical expense and pre-tax money can be used, shouldn't it be good no matter when you use it? "Use or lose" is nuts and since the administrator gets to keep the leftovers, what incentive do they have to really get your reimbursement to you. Jenn and Fred had a horrible administrator of their plan a year ago and they had to jump through all kinds of hoops, submitted expenses and yet were denied hundreds of dollars in reimbursements. It was very suspicious and the winner in the end was the administrator of the program. Hmmmmmm, what's wrong with this picture?
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