Defining the LDS Church

 Speaking of reporters who don't bother to do the real homework for their reporting of LDS beliefs and doctrine... while crediting some with fair and balanced reporting, Richard Eyre writes:

     "But unfortunately, there are many, many others who really seem to think “the Mormons are fair game” and who seem to feel that their reporting will be more sensational if they focus on sources “with an edge,” which often means sourcing our critics, our splinter groups and those who have completely or partly broken with the church for various reasons.
     And we let them get away with it. Maybe we are a little too nice and a little too forgiving. If media wrote or reported the same kinds of things (or used the same flawed sources) about other religions, they would instantly be branded at best as politically incorrect and at worst as bigots."

"If more journalists and commentators would take the time to really do their homework, to talk not only to the “official” church but to a few of its regular, everyday faithful members, they would portray us as less weird and more exceptional."

My feelings exactly.   Please go to the source.  What has happened to journalism, and being objective, avoiding bias?  What about "abundance mentality".  There is enough to go around.  Why do some insist on tearing us down.  Does it really make someone else look better?  What it really does is makes the reporter look lazy and, yes, biased.

The atheists are coming - scary Halloween!

  " Free speech is acceptable - even politically correct - for a governor advocating an "alternative lifestyle,"     but not for a public school teacher who expresses an opposing viewpoint." - Mat Staver, Liberty Council

And more...

"American Atheists sued officials of the Utah Highway Patrol and the Utah Transportation Department in 2005. The group claimed that the roadside memorials are a state establishment of religion even though the memorials are funded, owned, and maintained by a private organization, the Utah Highway Patrol Association." 

Justice is not well served when unhappy atheists can use the law to mow down memorial crosses and renew the suffering for the survivors."  

This atheist group is not even in Utah and the memorials involve 13 fallen highway patrolmen.  This was the chosen way to honor fallen heroes in our state.  The cross design is a universally accepted grave marker symbol.

Now, the supreme court has refused to hear the appeal.  Apparently the group who place the memorial markers are free to use some other kind of symbol without any Christian association, but not the cross design which is merely a white stick cross.  What happens if they replace this with a star or some other icon, only to have them decide it represents something they oppose?  Do we really want this vocal minority to continue to demand that we become a Godless nation?

What happened to majority decisions?  Why can't atheists live and let live?  If this was meaningful to Utah Highway Patrol members and families, shouldn't this be their right?  Why do the courts get to decide everything in this "Republic" nation?  Most importantly, what is happening to this nation?  And what happened to states' rights - we are supposed to be sovereign - the UNITED STATES of America.  Not America ruled by atheists who aim to dictate how this country operates.  It's time for some serious revolt by the moral majority. Freedom of religion is not freedom FROM religion (or laws forbidding anything that might in any way be associated with some possible religious meaning or inference.

Next thing we know, they will try to ban crosses as markers in public cemeteries.  Of course we all know how these headstones and memorials are serving to convert the world to Christianity.... get real!  Actually, it's scary because this is real.  It's also very similar to Nazi Germany ploys, at least in the early days.  Maybe the next step will be atheists insisting Christians wear a yellow cross on their sleeves to identify them.  In China and other countries of dictatorship, people cannot even assemble in groups and many have banned religion throughout history.  Our country was founded on religious freedom.  How can we let atheists take over America?

I want to know what the candidates running for president will do to help us take back America's ideals and origins.  If we continue on this slippery slope, it doesn't matter who we elect in the future - we will be doomed since it's a steady decline in morality.  We display all the signs of fallen empires throughout history.  Every civilization in the past has taken this course prior to its downfall.  It's not just accepting wrong as identified in the Bible and every other religious text, it's about embracing and glorifying it.

We can't just accept homosexuals, we need to parade them, give them special privilege, special protection when they are victims of crime (the same crimes committed on other people) and provide hot-lines to "questioning youth" to help them to accept that they are gay (even if they aren't and just have "questions").  And, to disagree with homosexuality as a normal and natural way of life, we aren't just expressing our own opinion (according to our own rights of free speech), we are "bullies," "racists" or "bigots".  We can't just accept pornography as degrading and the use of women as sexual objects in every form of media, we need to flaunt it to the youth and sexualize young girls in the name of the almighty dollar.  We decry sexual slavery in undeveloped nations but it's going on right here in the good ol' USA.

And, the kids can sing Halloween songs at school but they can't sing Christmas songs or even mention the name.  We only have "winter" programs now.  Wait until the atheists figure out that Halloween originated as a religious event - that will also be banned.
This is the scariest Halloween I've seen in a long time.

Religion under attack

“[The First Amendment] guarantees a freedom of religion, not a freedom from religion,”- Joe Lieberman
As a Jew in the public square, he understands the persecution and he stands up for his beliefs as well.

Obama has been called a Muslim - so what?  That is not what it is about.  Now, Mitt Romney's detractors say he is a Mormon - so what?  Both he and Jon Huntsman could bring great talent to Washington, if they are allowed to do so.  How sad for America if it is decided, based on their religious beliefs, that neither of them could serve.  (BTW: The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints UPHOLDS the laws of the land).  How pathetic that basic morality is not a desirable quality to so many voters, or that they might prefer leaders who are womanizers or religious snobs who perpetuate myths such as "Mormon's aren't Christians".  Hmmmmm - somehow this doesn't sound very "Christian."

Better not get me started on the "separation of church and state" issue.  The kids in school can sing Halloween songs about witches and goblins, but heaven forbid they should sing a Christmas song.  They can have a Halloween program but only a "Winter" celebration at school.  They can talk a bout ghosts, but not holy ones.  The irony is that Halloween began as a religious event.  I guess it depends on which religion your witch is...

My friend's children attend a Jewish school and they celebrate Jewish holidays - as they should.  Of course as a private institution (so far) hey can do this, regardless of the faith of the various students (all faiths can attend). It's educational as far as I'm concerned, for them to see these other cultures and yes, faith communities are cultures to be studied. 

In other news, the Catholic Archbishop Timothy Dolan (NYC) continues to defend the faith and is concerned about the destruction of traditional marriage.  He has also seen the immediate repercussions that the public assured him was the church's "Chicken Little" unfounded fear.  The Catholic church has suffered much damage as lawsuits began as soon as the ink dried. They have lost in the arena of social services, adoptions within the faith and even threats regarding their refusal to allow gay marriages to occur in their parishes.  What rights are being trampled here?  Read more here.

Gay marriage poll

A new poll says 64% do not support gay marriage.  Polls are imperfect and we already know that wording makes a big difference.  But, I have to wonder if our lawmakers any more consider what the people really want.  It seems if the people vote against the vocal minority, they just take it to court and get a judge to overturn the voice of the people.  Our country is in a serious mess.  Read here. 

Just for the record - I don't hate gays - I just support the protection of traditional marriage between a man and a woman.  It is a God-sanctioned institution.  It is already a person's right to live with whomever they want, regardless of gender or relationship, but it doesn't mean we need to change the law to redefine marriage.  The Bible is very clear about this.  Changing the Bible to meet today's desires and immorality is like rewriting history to be what we want to suit the present generation.  Some would have us throw out all right and wrong - it's only about what you want. 

Just a couple of verses...

Old Testament:  "Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination. Neither shalt thou lie with any beast to defile thyself therewith: neither shall any woman stand before a beast to lie down thereto: it is confusion..."
Leviticus 18:22-30, KJV

New Testament:  "Wherefore God also gave them up to uncleanness through the lusts of their own hearts, to dishonour their own bodies between themselves: Who changed the truth of God into a lie, and worshipped and served the creature more than the Creator, who is blessed for ever. Amen. For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature: And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompence of their error which was meet. And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient;"  Romans 1:24-28, KJV

America was created as a moral, God-based country.  We are ensuring our doom by following patterns of past fallen generations such as the ancient Romans when it comes to moral decay.

5 day work week

I have never worked a five-day week since I started my career as a registered nurse in 1983 until now.  Flexible scheduling, sometimes out of necessity is one of the perks of being a nurse. Read about the advantages of the four day work week here.  Of course hours can also be one of the drawbacks if you want to work the "standard" weekday.

Now in their all-knowing wisdom, after state employees (myself included) have been working 4 tens for the past 3 years, the legislature in a knee-jerk response, sans research bowed to a few constituents who "complained about services not available on Fridays" - wah, wah, wah, wah, wah !  They cite that the savings in moving to 4 tens was not as great as Governor Huntsman (who implemented it) had expected.  Are you kidding???  The savings were not great enough for the legislature to show some tough love?  There was still considerable savings - the last I read around $800,000 per year.  That's nothing to throw a stick at in these tough economic times.  AND it's going to cost MORE to switch back at least that $800,000 that was saved with the 4 tens.  Of course we have this kind of money to float here, right?  And now, besides losing the savings, we have to ADD the cost (unfunded mandate).

This post is not about me having to work 5 days/week.  It's about the micromanagement and short-sightedness of the state legislature.  It's about lack of flexibility and even leadership.  It's about job satisfaction that makes for more productive employees.  It's about being better when we are valued and therefore getting outside the government "box".

Way to go Rep. Mike Noel, R-Kanab -you're a real thinker - as are the other 20 legislatures who can't do math.  And, who don't value state employees. 

Sen. Gene Davis, D-Salt Lake, said legislators needed to consider employees in the debate, since many of them had to make major changes when the state shifted them to 10-hour days. "We have to make sure there is stability," Davis said. "I have not heard an outcry about the four-day workweek ... but I've heard they like the extended hours for service."  This is the irony - people like being able to access state services during their own non-working times such as 7-8 AM and 5-6 PM.  What about their votes?

Besides the hard dollar amounts, there are many savings in the 4 day week that are harder to measure such as time saved with motorists traveling off-peak hours, employee satisfaction (when we haven't receives as much as a COLA or any other raise in over 4 years).   Other countries who value time with their families already incorporate such non-traditional scheduling.  Some countries actually recognize the value of a nap mid-day!  Science has even backed that one, but you won't see that here in this "highly developed" country.

So, people, quit your whining!  You say you don't want more taxes, you know there isn't enough money in state coffers to pay the bills, but rather than adjusting your schedules a little more, you convince the legislature it is some kind of ridiculous hardship - even though the longer hours meant access to services before or after work for most people.

We're in a serious recession/almost depression people!  We're also in a war.  Wars cost money, welfare services cost money, etc. etc.  In such times past, people made necessary adjustments.  They tightened their virtual belts and stopped wearing nylons.  They also learned to live without a lot of other luxuries - like cars.  But in the age of entitlement Americans can't go to the DMV before or after work on Monday through Thursday.  "But I wanna go on Friday...boo, hoo!"  Never mind that many of the services are offered online and you don't have to wait in line at all.  Mechanic shops can register your car for you at the time of inspection if you don't have a computer or don't want to do it yourself.

We complain about pollution, but getting thousands of vehicles off the road one day per week is "not worth it"?  Employee satisfaction is not worth it?  The four day week has been shown to have many advantages to society, to employees and to taxpayers.  Such short-sighted thinking as has been recently shown by the Utah State Legislature further evidences that in many ways we insist on lagging behind.  We had the chance to be a leader here, as the first state to adopt this policy.  But, not so quick...we can't have that now, can we?  For those legislators worried about the complainers' votes, maybe it's time to think about the employees who also vote.  In a time when incumbents are not popular, this seems like a pretty dumb move.  I'll tell you now, I won't vote for any of the micro-managers on the hill.

The way the Legislature changed the law, despite surveys that showed the workers and the public liked the four-day-a-week schedule, doesn't sit well. (SLTrib).  And, this was an emergency how?  (Read here)

In addition to taking away the progressive and COST SAVING four day work week, these micromanagers have also decreed that flexible hours in general are out.  The entire Health Department MUST work 5 eights, even if there is no reason to do so.  Even those who had flexibility of hours prior to the 4 tens/week adoption, have now lost that option.  I know an advanced practice RN working for the state who has spent over 35 years saving lives in rural areas, educating people, working with poor people and minorities and basically being a professional.  Now she needs to be clocked in like all the other employees the legislature does not view as professionals.  I am disgusted by this attitude and believe they are taking advantage of the situation - poor economy and lots of available people for hire.  They have totally disregarded the time, effort and money it takes for a professional to be proficient in his or her job.  We can't be trusted like other professionals who are salaried and who get their work done regardless of how many hours each week it takes to do it. (hmmmm, like Legislators?)

The legislature has taken a clear stand - they don't value their employees, consider everyone expendable and love the idea of the revolving door.  I hope we will also show them the door on election day. 
Sen. Margaret Dayton, R-Orem, who was one of the proponents of requiring offices to open five days a week, believes there's lots of room for managers to be creative. (read here) Get real!!! Tell that to Dr. Patton of the Utah Dept. of Health.  Creativity has never been something the government does well.  This latest move punctuates that point.  Their assurance that flexibility is part of the plan is hogwash!  People who had flexibility before the 4 day week no longer have it in many cases.  Mine is a case in point.  This office had no nurse until I came here 3 months ago.  The needs were covered by other nurses of the department in other state locations since my job is done by phone and computer; not in person, hands-on.  Now, it is suddenly essential that I sit at my desk for 8 hours a day, five days a week with a mandatory lunch break, no flexibility and a decrease in other "soft" benefits.

I don't pretend that some state employees welcome the return to traditional scheduling, but the surveys show they are a very slim minority.

Not sure who the Trib was quoting here but you can read the article.  "Not everyone will have to change. As much as a quarter of the state workforce was on some sort of flexible schedule before Huntsman's announcement in 2008. The Governor's Office estimates about that same percentage will still have flexibility after the return of the five-day workweek." (Read here - again)  Hmmmmm, I wonder where that memo was lost...  Yes, I had flexibility before but not any more - we have to keep the legislators and their whiny neighbors happy.

Unfortunately, in the end they will get what they want - clock-watchers, entry-level (read: cheap) labor, greater inefficiencies than we already see, fewer experienced professionals who have common sense, good judgment and who take their work seriously.  This is a reflection on our society.

Gov. Gary Herbert issued this statement after the Legislature voted to restore the five-day workweek:“There is no debate over whether the state should support expanded services. I have agreed that we should provide services throughout the week to taxpayers, so I made sure certain services like the Driver License Division and DMV were accessible on Fridays. More services than ever are also available 24/7 online. 

“The only issue here was that the Legislature failed to pay for it; there was no funding for this bill. But there is a $790,000 price tag for turning on the lights and opening the doors an additional day. Regardless of the override, they are still going to have to pay for the expanded Friday services.”

The King James Bible & beyond

I spent many hours of the last three days learning.  My favorite class focused on the Apostle Paul.

I must backtrack.  Monday afternoon I had a fever of 104.9 - kind of worried the doctor.  I got an antibiotic shot, more oral antibiotics and probiotics to try and prevent a recurrence of last year's problems.  She let me go when they got the fever down to 103.9 (with instructions to go to the ER if I got worse rather than better).  Instead I opted for and received a Priesthood blessing.  I was able to make it to Provo by 10:00 PM Monday night.  Nothing short of miraculous.  Attending Education Week is the high point of my summer every year and I couldn't bear to miss it - besides I had already paid the very nominal registration fee and bed in the dorm.

Besides coming to better understand the New Testament (something that will help me in my Gospel Doctrine teaching) I also renewed my testimony that the Book of Mormon is truly another testament of Jesus Christ.  How blessed we are to have these scriptures which have come to us at great peril and sacrifice. 

By Thursday night my head was so full of information and I was so overcome by things in my life (both wonderful and challenging) I could not even sleep 30 minutes the whole night.  I lost my last Ambien I brought for the trip, knowing I don't sleep well outside my own bed/home.  (Note to self:  always take more than I think I need).  My poor Alabama roommate was a light sleeper and my insomnia didn't help her either.  She was telling me how in "the South" the majority believe we (Mormons) are going to hell.  I knew this but my optimism keeps me thinking things will change as people really learn about us.  This was also kind of ironic because I finished reading "The Help" on this trip too (a book I highly recommend).  Something about the southerners I guess.  The author pointed out some of the ironies of the various types of prejudice and discrimination.  It's not all about color.

I came home early today so I could attend my friend's beautiful wedding in the Bountiful temple.  This was a second time marriage for both and it was so amazing!  They also have received miracles that brought them to where they are now. Even after having only a 3 hour nap today for my only sleep in the past 36 hours I'm still not able to sleep.  But, I have the Ambien so at least there's a good chance I'll sleep soon.   This week has been a much needed spiritual rejuvenation. It's what I need to keep going when things are rough.

Anyway, back to "normal" - whatever that is - and preparing my Sunday School lesson.  I hope I'm a better teacher for what I've gained this week.

One of the instructors made the comment that our failing economy is merely a symptom of our failing moral society.  Scriptures and history books have shown that every great society has experienced such breakdown after their rise in wealth and corruption.  We can only put a bandaid on the sore by "fixing" the economy.  What we need is to fix the breakdown in America. "Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it." (George Santayana) 

Happiness without children?

Several studies say people without children are happier than those with them.  How can they even determine that?  If they've never felt the joy that comes through your child, how can they know what they are missing?  Read one man's perspective and reaction to the "findings" here.

I guess this kind of sums it up:

"Some studies indicate that there may be compensating things such as life meaning and purpose, but when it comes to strict measures of plain old smiling happiness, the verdict might seem grim."

There MAY BE "compensating things"?  There certainly IS!  But, I suppose if your view of happiness involves having more things with more time to play with them, you might just think you have arrived.  I wouldn't trade having children (even having lost one of them) for being "free" or "rich."   I have always known where my treasure was and a life without children would have been tragic for me, as it is for many would-be parents.

Read this article too -  Motherhood - ultimate internship

BTW ~ I now have 41 comments I have refused to publish on this blog.  I reserve the right to refuse inappropriate or demeaning remarks.   If it feels personal, maybe it is.  If you don't like what I write in my admittedly random posts, please don't read it!  If you have something helpful, upbeat, respectfully different or otherwise appropriate, I welcome the comments and happily print them.  It is because of abuse I have to approve all comments and yes, it is my blog.  C'est la vie!

Peace

I agree with Becky Thomas (a columnist at MormonTimes)about what is most desired.  It's not all about fun and material comforts don't bring peace.  Here are her desires in this realm:

The peace of a clear conscience, the peace of no contention, the peace of not offending others, the peace that what I am doing is in sync with my Heavenly Father's will, the peace of knowing that he has not forgotten me, the peace that fills the unrest, sadness and questions of a broken heart.

Dr. Elia says of stress: 

Long-term exposure to stress can make us physically sick or lead to emotional and mental breakdowns. Basically, mismanagement of stress is a long-term neglect of our needs. When I suggest to my clients they need to take a day or two off to reassess their direction in their life, or company, or family I get the typical push-back response: "I can't afford to do it," to which I reply, "You can't afford NOT to do it!"

After another bout with illness - keeping me in bed for five days (and so out of character for me) - I realize I need to deal with this one myself.  I am letting go of toxic relationships and ignoring people who are ridiculous, selfish and needy, including some immature adults and those with personality disorders that border on those of BDM - so recently in the news.  It's not even worth saying his name or feeding into his self-importance.  I would much rather speak the name of Elizabeth Smart who will live in history and who is such a wonderful example for young women everywhere.  I plan to focus my time and energy on these people and not waste my time on those who are so out of touch with reality there is no reason, logic or common sense.  Dealing with such people is harmful to my health.

In other news,  "Christine O'Donnell's TV ad declaration, "I'm not a witch" during her U.S. Senate campaign topped this year's best quotes, according to a Yale University librarian.  Read here.  And a friend of mine, Harold Nolte made number two on the New Yorker's Top Ten Would Be Words list.  Read here.  Anyway, there are plenty of good things going on out there.  I have the best kids and grandkids, the greatest ward family, friends and neighbors.  I am grateful for this.

And, in case you were wondering or perhaps questioned how they could possibly enforce this - "U.S. District Court Judge Henry E. Hudson found that Congress could not order individuals to buy health insurance"Read here. 

"Neither the Supreme Court nor any federal circuit court of appeals has extended Commerce Clause powers to compel an individual to involuntarily enter the stream of commerce by purchasing a commodity in the private market," he wrote. "In doing so, enactment of the [individual mandate] exceeds the Commerce Clause powers vested in Congress under Article I [of the Constitution.]

My opinion - either do universal health care as it is done in Japan or other countries where it works or don't; but you don't do it half-way and pass laws requiring the impossible.  As an example of how messed up this country is - they are starting to charge for basic services such as police and fire (if used) - basically removing it from the public domain where everyone gets the benefit and adding others, because of course "the Government" can't take care of everything.

Sheila shared this one

After being interviewed by the school administration, the prospective teacher said: 'Let me see if I've got this right. 'You want me to go into that room with all those kids, correct their disruptive behavior, observe them for signs of abuse, monitor their dress habits, censor their T-shirt messages, and instill in them a love for learning. 'You want me to check their backpacks for weapons, wage war on drugs and sexually transmitted diseases, and raise their sense of self esteem and personal pride... 'You want me to teach them patriotism and good citizenship, sportsmanship and fair play, and how to register to vote, balance a checkbook, and apply for a job. 'You want me to check their heads for lice, recognize signs of antisocial behavior, and make sure that they all pass the final exams. 'You also want me to provide them with an equal education regardless of their handicaps, and communicate regularly with their parents in English, Spanish or any other language, by letter, telephone, newsletter, and report card. 'You want me to do all this with a piece of chalk, a blackboard, a bulletin board, a few books, a big smile, and a starting salary that qualifies me for food stamps. 'You want me to do all this and then you tell me ... I CAN'T PRAY?'

Don't forget to vote!

Click the flag pic to be taken to vote.utah.gov for local polling info (blue box on the right - Find my polling place) and issues related to the election. AARP is another good resource. Their site will also tell you by your address what is on your ballot.

Don't forget to take ID (D.L., passport, etc.)

Along those lines, big tax changes are coming in 2011 as many rules are set to expire. A few to be aware of:

	Prepare for tax hikes. Based on current laws, many tax rates will go up in 2011 (although that could change, depending on what the new Congress does). Still, experts say you may want to plan ahead for the higher rates by accelerating income now, and postponing deductions until 2011, depending on your situation. More info here.
	Pay those estimated taxes. A provision that allowed self-employed folks to fudge a little on their estimated payments during the tax year without incurring a penalty has expired. If you've been skimping on your quarterlies, square everything away by the Jan. 15 installment so that 100% of your bill is paid. Here are some other tax changes affecting the self-employed.
	Budget for kid-related expenses. The child and dependent care tax credit will drop in 2011—from $3,000 in day care expenses for one child, $6,000 for two (up to 35% of costs), down to $2,400 and $4,800 respectively, with a 30% cap. Also, the child tax credit is being cut from $1,000 to $500.

A little worrisome for me. As a state employee I haven't had a raise in about three years, our health insurance benefits have decreased and costs increased with more of that predicted. So, our paychecks are shrinking but cost of living certainly is not. We are also losing some of our flex dollar options and they are capping it at a lower annual amount so you can't really depend on tax savings there either. This is part of what is paying for healthcare reform. And, the "tax credits" there are another joke. First, we lose other tax credits so we can be credited for buying our own health insurance, then we can pay for the insurance up front, wait for the next tax filing to apply for the credit, then wait for the tax refund (if there's any left after the raised taxes). That rebate will likely never be seen. Or if it is, it may be like the housing rebate. Jenn and Fred bought theirs last year, applied for the $8,000 tax credit in April and have yet to see the cash. Red-tape seems to have held it up somewhere along the line. Why doe this not surprise me?

Toxic relationships

One of my resolutions for this year was to de-junk - eliminate clutter from my life. This includes excess stuff and toxic people. When I read Dr. Elia's article today in MormonTimes I was reminded and I need to learn to set and enforce boundaries better.

"A toxic relationship is based on negativity, criticism, addiction, and emotional and verbal abuse. Feelings of unworthiness and low self-esteem are quite common if we're exposed long-term to someone who is toxic for us. Often it is someone who is significant in our lives: a spouse, parent, child, sibling, a colleague at work or a so called "friend."

These relationships are typically co-dependent, controlling, dysfunctional and destructive. The best way to know if you have such a relationship in your life is to ask the following questions: How do I consistently feel after I've had an interaction with this individual? Do I feel down on myself? Do I feel stressed, fearful and anxious? Do I feel drained of energy and void of good feelings? Do I feel resentful — and do I want to go and eat some chocolate?

If the answer is "yes" to most of these feelings, then certainly you are involved in a toxic relationship. I'm not talking about getting into an argument with someone we love because those feelings will also likely come up, but if these negative feelings are the usual pattern we have in most of our interactions with that person, then it qualifies as a toxic relationship."

This is tough duty, but I really liked what he said: "Life is way too short to keep "friends" like these around." I agree. I have trouble trying to keep everyone happy and in the end nobody's happy - myself included. Some people are just that - toxic. Nothing I do will change it but I can give the gift to myself of creating healthy boundaries. I need to surround myself with people who uplift and make me feel good and capable.

Now, on the action part...

Abraham said to Lot on their parting of ways, "Separate thyself, I pray thee, from me. ... Let there be no strife, I pray thee, between me and thee ... for we be brethren."

You might be brethren who strongly dislike each other and think the other is crazy, but, still — in the eyes of the Lord — brethren.

It's about the kids

You can get non-stop flights from Salt Lake to New York for only $149 each/round trip on Jet Blue! I found a Thanksgiving week flight Monday to Monday and Christmas - 2 weeks Wednesday to Wednesday for the same price. Compare that to $450+ each for South Carolina with a stopover (if purchased now for Christmas/Thanksgiving). Three can fly the round trip NYC/SLC for the same price as one (and the airport is closer than Charleston).

Hmmmm, what IS best for the kids?

Regrets & Sunday Thoughts

It is important to show love and offer forgiveness daily to our family and friends, so that if and when we lose them, and do not have time to build relationships, we can feel peace and calm when they are gone. This thought comes from Becky Thomas's column, The Unexpected Life in Mormon Times today.

Seeing my dad almost daily struggling in the hospital, regretting past mistakes and not knowing from moment to moment how much time he actually has. Of course none of us really know that, but sometimes it takes a hospital or near-death experience to bring the point home.

My dad has always been very busy and active, living life to the fullest, but perhaps not always having his priorities straight. Now as he lies in the bed, I'm quite confident that he regrets not spending more time with family. He told me early in this experience, "I've made some bad choices...but I'm getting better." I think we, his children, regret not spending more time with him - while spending a lot of time with our own immediate families - our kids. With full-time employment I find myself wishing I had more time with my grandchildren and helping my own kids who are struggling as parents and spouses. I suppose regret will always be there in one way or another. I guess the trick is to try to minimize it as much as possible by making wise choices daily and treating those we care about with love and kindness.

I hate family estrangement. I don't understand it; it only hurts everyone involved. Christ taught us to forgive and to love. That's really what it's about. Time is precious and we can't afford to waste any of it in senseless resentments and offenses. I believe being offended is one of Satan's most powerful tools, under the category of pride (I think his three main techniques are Pride, Money or "modern day idol worship" and Lust). Anyway, to easily take offense (or intentionally offend) and then hold a grudge against a loved one is definitely helping Satan corrupt the family.

Along these lines, I also don't understand deliberately keeping a child from a parent. It's bad enough when such estrangement happens with adults, old enough to make such decisions for themselves. But, how sad to deliberately keep the children you love from the other parent they love. I don't think that's love at all. Making the other parent appear to be the one responsible is also wrong. And when the manipulation is done through money - lack of it and lack of understanding of reality (in order to achieve one's selfish desires) that falls in the money/idol worship part.

Manipulation, revenge and punishment are not God's ways. Using people to achieve selfish goals is Satan's way.

Phone necessities

Times, they are a changin' ~

When I was home most of the time I could live with just a land line. Once I became more mobile, I realized I needed the cell phone more (and it's the world we live in now), but there was that cord.... kind of an umbilical cord. I mean we've always had "Ma Bell" right? But, I finally and happily gave Qwest the boot! I have been functioning without her for seven months now and doing just fine, thank you. I have been angry with Qwest in the past for gouging me, so - good riddance!

Times have changed and fast internet (not lightning-fast; just fast) is also a must for me. In the past (pre-internet days) I had no choice but I believe this is a God-send these days and by getting rid of Qwest, I could batter afford high-speed internet - no need to "bundle" with Qwest either, which requires you to keep their phone to get a decent price for internet. They make it sound like it's such an incredible deal they offer but the small print is you have to keep their phone line to get that price so in my book, that's not a deal. They know they are losing phone customers by the hundreds; yet, do they lower their prices? Of course not. They raise them every chance they get.

Of course I went through the "what if something happens and I need a land line?" stuff but really, how often has this been the case? I realize airspace gets gobbled up in emergencies, but who's to say the land line won't fail as well? These days the handsets require electricity to work so it's not like in the old wired days when the phone worked even if the power didn't. Is it worth more than $40 a month to have that kind of "security"? Not in my book.

I do have a back up phone with my computer and though it's not perfect (it relies on the computer so if that goes down I have to restart) but it does the job if I misplace my cell phone and it would work fine as my primary phone if I were actually at home. I love not paying for the phone I wasn't using! My back up is Magic Jack and it cost me $20 for the jack and $20/year for the service. Definitely better than the nearly $500 I was spending for Qwest - "just in case". I get basic cell phone coverage (1000 minutes I never actually use and I have no contract) for $40/month (same as I was paying for the land-line). So, I was able to trade my Qwest costs for my T-mobile straight across. The internet is another $37 (the first year was cheaper but this is not bad) and I get speeds plenty fast enough for me.

I love a bargain!

Strictly Honest

President N. Eldon Tanner served as Second Counselor to Presidents David O. McKay and Joseph Fielding Smith, and as First Counselor to Presidents Harold B. Lee and Spencer W. Kimball. While acting as Minister in the Alberta government, he earned the well-deserved nickname of “Mr. Integrity” because he refused to compromise by accepting gifts of any kind and was strictly honest in his dealings.

Steve mentioned that Joseph Smith taught that we were to be not only honest, but strictly honest.  I was always impressed with the oath on Perry Mason in court where they swore (on a Bible!) to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.  I am sad that this apparently is no longer the case in the courts.  In fact the attorneys don't even have to be truthful - they just have to defend their client, no matter what.  (This is why I could never be an attorney, though heaven knows we need honest attorneys). 

And, when it comes to our daily lives are we "strictly" honest or do we omit the parts we don't want to have known.  Do we commit fraud in order to obtain some kind of government (or church or other) benefit?  Do we condone others' behavior when they do this?  Do we look the other way or even encourage it because "they deserve it" or some other justification.  Will we one day stand before our maker and answer whether or not we told the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth in our dealings with our fellow man?  Can we be strictly honest?

I do know that not being this way will result in more pain, regret and personal misery than we want to live with, unless we are devoid of conscience.  We can be very hard on ourselves once we realize the mistakes we have made.

I know for a fact that when we are not strictly honest, far more people are hurt than when we are.  That doesn't mean we are rude to a person or tell them our opinion about their taste in clothes we don't agree with or that they look fat.  Those are little things, unimportant and not in need of being spoken at all.  By not being "brutally" honest, we can be kind, but then we're not trying to cheat or lie in the process.  Strict honesty is different than this - it's honesty with ourselves and God.

Will we stand up for right every time, regardless of the consequences?  Choose what is right, let the consequence follow... (CTR)

Utah conservative Democrat votes his conscience

I want health care reform in the worst way, but not bad enough to settle for a half-baked job. We need the right reform and it will sadly take more time because so much was put into the wrong plan. If everyone had worked as hard to study countries where universal health care works and did not bow down to insurance company lobbyists, there's a good chance we could be well on our way to the right plan. So, getting some reform may be better than none, but it's the expensive, inefficient, slow (in the long run) way to do it. I still wish we had seen states being charged with it. Put federal tax dollars out for the states with a charge to make a plan that works for them. Those that work will rise and those that don't will fall to the wayside and they will look to their neighbors for a plan that works. It would avoid too much big government while accomplishing the basics we need - control of health care costs and tort reform, coverage for all without exclusion and affordability, provided by tax dollars. It works in Taiwan and other places. For some reason the U.S. has to make it more complicated than it needs to be.

I'm all for bipartisan too - until this becomes an issue we all work toward; not fight about, it will not be successful. I applaud Jim Matheson for voting according to the merits of the bill rather than according to what his party feels he should do. It's daring in this day and age, but exactly what we need to see more of. Parties should not control this country.

WASHINGTON — After high pressure from all sides for weeks, Rep. Jim Matheson, D-Utah, finally said Saturday that he will vote against his party's health care reform bill.

"I am saddened that the yearlong debate on health reform has resulted in legislation that is too expensive, contains too many special deals, does not contain health care costs and will result in increases in health insurance premiums," he said.

"Therefore I will vote against the legislation," he added. The House is scheduled to vote on the bill Sunday.

That leaves him among only a handful of moderate Democrats who are opposing his party and Democratic President Barack Obama. It may cause problems with his party, but it also may preserve his job in conservative Utah.

I loved this editorial printed in the Trib

Of course he's not the first, but he's a President that many young people relate to. I happen to believe that people in leadership positions have an obligation to be good role models. Obviously nobody's perfect and people mess up - even leaders. But, there are some things you CAN control. If the President were to quit smoking, he could send a powerful message to young people and current smokers - it CAN be done. In fact it is done by many every day. There couldn't be a better time with all we know about the health risks involved in tobacco products and with smoking cessation aids available, media attention that would be given to his success and efforts to reduce second-hand smoke in the public awareness.

Tobacco is a powerful addiction, but sometimes this kind of pressure comes with the job. But, doing hard things, not just talking about them, is what makes greatness. How many people get such an opportunity? You don't get to be a bad role model by choice, Mr. President. You sought the office and with it comes lots of responsibility. This is a relatively small thing you can do to make a big difference. That's my plea and it is shared by this writer, Courtland Milloy of the Washington Post.

Clearly mindful of the image issues smoking may cause, Obama has been careful to keep images of him with what health advocates call "cancer sticks" out of the newspapers.

Some anti-smoking advocates want Obama to come forward even more publicly to discuss his habit.

"I think it would be an enormous first step forward if he would come all the way out of the closet and say, 'I smoke, I wish I didn't, I plan on quitting again, I've tried this many times,'" said Cheryl Healton, president and CEO of the American Legacy Foundation. "Because if you dig deep behind the story, my guess is that's probably the reality, that he wants to quit and has tried many times." (ABC News)

Where have all the supporters gone?

"Campaigning is fun; watching the person you've elected engage in the long slog of governing, less so." (Washington Post)

Anyone astute in politics knew that Obama's pie-in-the-sky promises were mostly unreachable but many got sucked into the "change" idea and the rah-rah of the campaign swept people up in the rhetoric of the moment. Problem is that's just what it was - a moment. Reality is another whole story. But, when problems are afoot (like they usually are but this has been a particularly stressful time) we grasp at straws and a nice-looking, smooth-talker can convince us of just about anything while in this vulnerable state.

Part of the problem was the rush job. In his efforts to keep the crazy promises of moving quickly, he failed to remember how long it takes to get anything through congress. But, in matters such as health care, the issues should take study and discussion (bipartisan) to achieve a quality product in the end.

Nobody wants another federal disaster to deal with, change, appeal, and learn from. We should study Japan, Germany and Thailand; not just Canada or England for universal health care that works. We should also remember that we are the United States of America; not just America. In that, we can study Massachussetts - what works about their plan; what doesn't. Then we could let states adopt programs with some government grants to launch it and to give it a fair chance to start. Once the pilot proves successful, other states can follow without putting it in the hands of the federal bureaucracy. State government has its problems too, but why not start out on a smaller scale that can be adapted once most of the bugs are worked out. Maybe we really don't want Uncle Sam running it all.

We could also learn that we can't half do this thing. If we're to ever get universally available and affordable health care we need to fix the other problems with the system - tort reform, exclusions, mistrust of the system which backfires (refusal of coverage for certain medical condition such as mental health or harm to other insurance policies due to previous treatment for certain conditions like cancer and depression). We also need to eliminate the gatekeepers in Medicaid/Medicare, private insurance, etc. and, we need to be able to shunt the money saved into the new system so it will actually be affordable. Adding another level or another program to the already existing one, with its own set of differing "regulations" will only cost way more and will dilute the primary advantages to a universal system.

Part of what makes government-provided insurance a mess is the requirements such as low income, asset testing, requirements and rules for coverage of procedures - all of which must be screened, evaluated, reassessed periodically, and patients end up in and out of coverage. Then billing is complicated, each doctor or facility must have specialists to sort out the mess. The only way a system can work to cover all is if it is without any billing needs - everything is covered. The way it is done in many other countries could work, but not if they have to sort out the "public option" from the privates, etc. Let's face it: lobbyists will never allow abandonment of the systems they profit from. We need to either provide vouchers for all people to pay for their health care as they choose through private companies in competition, or we have to give everyone the same, eliminate the sorting, billing, etc and go paperless and bill-less.

Again, this is so complex, it makes sense to start on a state level anyway. We're a very large country so adopting some half-baked plan to cover everyone will never work.

I believe there are enough smart Americans to make this work, but they are being paid by those who will make sure it doesn't. That's my opinion

Condensed version of Seven Habits

If you don't have time to read the book, check out this website. Of course if you're Delilah you won't be interested because she thinks anything written by a "Mormon" is not worth reading - in fact, it is so harmful she had to pull her children from a school which used the principles to help the kids succeed. The principles here have helped many people in all walks of life. If my kids were in a school that taught this, I'd be thrilled, even if he wasn't of the same religion as me.

In fact, I rarely know the religion of most of the writers and speakers I learn from. What is Delilah's problem? I just don't understand because I would not refuse to read something written by a Jewish person (in fact Belva Plain is one of my favorite fiction authors). That would be foolish. Anyway she went down a notch in my book and I won't feel so warm and fuzzy when I hear her on the radio. I don't listen that much anyway since she's kind of cheesy, but now, when I hear her melodic voice, I will think differently about her views on life and love.

Daily Chores

A fellow blogger-mom (In-a-shoe) posted her children's chore assignments. She is currently expecting her 10th child and by necessity must be diligent in organizing the family. I have noticed that these days many families have forgotten this once-considered-normal activity. They spoil their entitled children who only work when they feel like it or when they are bribed. Well, I could go on, but this is how they do it in their large family which includes barnyard animals (chickens) and dogs they breed. I was reminded of my daughter, Natalie's blog entry on this subject (teaching children to work and be responsible). It has certainly paid dividends for her and she admits sometimes it's harder to teach the children than to do it yourself but so worth it! There is a window of opportunity for teaching children responsibility. If that window is missed, it becomes much harder (and some adults never learn it).

I hope she's OK with me reposting here with credits:) Here's Kim's list:

Deanna (16yo): clean & straighten living room; plan and cook dinner; rinse dinner dishes; iron

Kaitlyn (14yo): burn trash; clean & straighten dining room; put away clean dishes; iron

Lydia (13yo): Lydia has requested all outdoor and animal duties: feed & water animals (chickens, dogs, cat); keep yard picked up; take out compost; "first shift" on dinner dishes (clear & wipe counters, put away leftovers, set up coffee for following morning); iron

Megan (11yo): clean & straighten bathroom and kitchen; wash dinner dishes; iron

Natalie (9yo) & Becca (8yo): hang all laundry to dry; sort and fold dry laundry, put away towels and diapers; clean & straighten laundry room; breakfast & lunch dishes; clear & wipe table after dinner.

Rachael (5yo): clean and straighten deck (under Lydia's supervision); help clear table after dinner.

Perry (3yo): empty small trash cans in bedrooms.

In addition the children help with preparing meals. Deanna plans and makes the main dish; the others often help with the rest, make breakfast, etc. Now, I hope she posts more about how she enforces it all. She reports that stating, "It's not my job" is a capital offense in their home. More power to her! One day they will thank her... (OK, she shouldn't hold her breath).

(Visit Kim's other site about frugal living here)