Parenting tips I found interesting

This summary comes from a newspaper interview with the author. Click the post title to read the full write-up.

1. Connect — A child needs to feel connected, like they belong. If they feel this, they won't misbehave; otherwise, they seek attention and do the attention dance. Parent solution: "Help your child connect through lots of communication/conversations engage your child," explained Schafer.

2. Capable — Kids need to feel they have some control over their lives. If not, it leads to power struggles. Bottom line, according to Schafer: "We want kids to be empowered; that's where self-esteem comes from. If we're slow at handing power over, they will take it from us. The solution: empower them in appropriate ways; give them choices, responsibilities."

3. Count — Kids need to feel like they count, like they can make a difference. If not, they feel discounted and may seek revenge (a tit for a tat). The solution, said Schafer: "We need to heal the hurt, learn to be a good listener. You might not have intended to hurt them, but that's their reality."

4. Courage — Kids need to believe they can handle what comes their way; if so, they feel equal, confident, hopeful and will face challenges and develop resiliency. If not, they use avoidance or give up. If you don't feel courageous, you'll find ways to avoid the task. The solution: learn to be encouraging parents. "We often confuse praise with encouragement, which is really an external reward. So it's still a manipulation tactic. You need to learn the true art of becoming an encouraging parent," said Schafer.

(From Honey I Wrecked the Kids by Alyson Schafer)