Tragedy

Tragic, sad...

Liz and Madi lost something more precious than money can buy. It's hard to believe that it's their mother who would cause this. Even if it is her illness speaking, someone has to defend the right of the children to have a real father, ever-present.

She lied about a job that keeps her in South Carolina. She lied about Jon and had him removed from their temporary home after six weeks - the home they were promised for 3-4 months. She brought false charges that cost so much in so many ways. When Jon had to go back to Utah so he would not have to live in a homeless shelter and where he could actually get a job, she claimed abandonment by him and managed to convince a commissioner/judge that he could have stayed in South Carolina - homeless, jobless and penniless because what little money they had was spent to get them there - because she believed it would make her happy. When it turned out the promises were lies and they had to go into further debt to make the move, he still did it for her. He told us "I have to do this for Karla." We all knew it was impossible with red flags popping up all over and it proved to be so. It would be impossible for Karla to stay there if it weren't for the very relatives that promised Jon housing, now providing for her. Now she also gets to collect all of Jon's income so she can live where she wants to live and where she can temporarily run away from her problems - or so she thinks as she projects her childhood abuse onto others. The girls never wanted to leave Utah and she doesn't care about them; only herself, yet she says it's "what's best for the children." How can someone defend their children when they don't have the guts to stand up to the bullying uncle when he abused her husband? In fact, she supported and encouraged him in the abuse by filing for an order of protection, guaranteeing that he could not speak to her or the children until the judge overturned it. And then, she continued to deny him access to his own daughters.

The situation is impossible. She continues to lie, her family supports her because it "makes her happy" regardless of what it does to the girls to be deprived of the access of their loving father. They believe her lies even when they know she is ill. How can anyone sit back and watch such unfairness and claim it is in the best interest of the girls? How can those around her continue to believe or excuse the lies when they cause such damage? How can we put such precious children in the hands of a stranger who takes an hour or so to decide their fate?

Any problems they had in their marriage did not warrant what she has done. You can leave a marriage without leaving a wake of disaster. The lies will catch up with her eventually. And one day the girls will realize what was stolen from them just as we realize what has been stolen from us. Karla feels she has won a battle but the scars will live on long past hers. The damage she has done even by association with the church (claiming her membership has prevented her from leaving the marriage before) will have long-lasting effects.

The only chance for some redemption for this terrible situation would be for her to return to Utah where she could obtain real employment, have real family support and help with the children and where the girls could have both of their parents permanently, even if they were not married to each other. But, that would require sacrifice on her part. It would require putting her children's needs ahead of her own and that has never happened yet. She will continue to pretend to have a job, pretend to be capable of taking full care of her children, continue to deprive them of their father because she knows his limited finances, the cost of travel and lodging in South Carolina, and she can live off the state, the uncle, and child support money - thinking this is responsible parenting. It's ironic that she accuses Jon of not supporting them because he was unemployed (along with the other 10% of the population). His real flaw was believing in her, trying to help her and thinking he could undo the damage of childhood abuse. He stood by her through thick and thin, only to be blamed for her psychological problems as she projected her childhood abuse onto him (and many others) and stepped on him like a doormat.

Any mentally healthy, loving parent would do what was necessary to give their children two loving parents and would not insist on keeping them thousands of miles away from their father and other family members they have known and loved their whole lives for their own gratification. Only someone as ill as Karla would think this was a good thing. When the employment opportunities in South Carolina proved to be nothing more than a ruse, she should allow the children to go where their father could find employment - back home in Utah. She is convincing herself and others around her but she is manipulated by those near her and she is a mere puppet. One day the relatives will have to answer for what they have done to also facilitate this abuse of the children by enabling her to manipulate and get back at Jon for divorcing her when it became clear she would no longer allow him to help her and she did the unthinkable to him. Taking him to court for false charges crossed the line of what he could or should endure at her hands. She got a free lawyer; he had to pay. She had housing in S.C.; he had none. She had food stamps and lied to social services to prevent his access to them (verified), saying he had fled the state when she knew better because he needed to stay for the court appearance two weeks later. (She lied to her father and told him the card was not working; she assumed Jon had stopped it when there is a signed statement that she did it) He looked into housing options there but with no money, there was nothing for him. Where was he to stay? What was he to eat? There was no work there. The family made up a fake job for her to tell the court; he came to Utah where he could get a real job and do as the S.C. judge suggested. She told people and convinced the commissioner that he could have stayed there. I would love to hear how that would have been possible after what her uncle did with her approval and prompting. A healthy parent would want what is best for the children and could recognize truth from lies.

Apparently it's not about who is the most fit parent, but it's still the dark ages with regards to father's rights. It's Friday the 13th.