I appreciated About.com's divorce guide, Kathy Meyer's comments about practical advice in a divorce as it relates to the children and their relationship with the other parent. Read here or click on the post title for the full article.
Divorce is always painful for all involved, but there's no point in making the other spouse look bad, especially to young, vulnerable children who need to know they are loved by BOTH parents.
I realize I sometimes used my children as my friend or confidant. Sometimes unwittingly - they saw it firsthand or saw me crying. Sometimes because there was nobody else, outside, that I could talk to about what was happening without blowing my cover. After all, if we were able to mend things, I didn't want others to remember negative stuff I guess. Sometimes it's about appearances.
Children (even grown ones) should not be our therapists or our validation that we were "right." It does damage to them! This is something I need to repent of. I am glad my children were grown before my divorce but there are still lines to be drawn. Fortunately there is much I did not share with them and parents should not share everything with their kids, even in a good marriage. I do want my kids to have a continuing, good relationship with their dad, regardless of our circumstances.
It's not all about you! It's really about putting the kids first.
oh I couldn't agree more....I see families come into the hospital that are divorcing etc...and when the parent's talk bad to their kids about the other parent, it really only makes themselves look bad in the eyes of the children. Kids are smarter than that. A child will respect you MUCH more and not grow to despise you, if you keep your spouse in a positive light...otherwise I am afraid that it does backfire on you and in the end you will regret it.
ReplyDelete